It came up in conversation, regular dinner conversation with family, and it seemed adequate to share the details of that conversation in prose and not so much as a poem. I have often been told I am way too nice. I didn’t understand what that meant when I was younger.
It seemed that I always existed on one side of an extreme or another. My friends would caution me, and say “you just need to be a little bit more of an ass.” Well, “asshole”, and I would ask myself, actually entertain “how do I behave a little bit more like that”, like is that even possible? You either are one or you’re not aren’t you?
It comes easier for some folks, and it is even needed I would argue. It’s not always done for the reason of being a dick, sometimes people will test you, exactly like when we were kids and we pushed the envelope of our parents just to see how far we could get away with something.
Well, I never really could figure out how to do it (be a little bit more of an ass) until one day I simply stopped caring so much about things. It seemed I got it right then. But I didn’t feel like myself anymore. When I realized, “is that what it takes, to not care so much”, (and I am aware there is no shortage of people ready to flip you the bird), it seemed to me like that was indeed asking too much.
The world needs more caring not less. So now, every time, when it comes up in conversation that if you accept this or that, let people treat you just anyway, let people get away with saying certain things, I am aware each and every time, that I am setting myself up to be hurt, taken advantage of, and that it may look weak on my part. Is it not the same for them? Do they not know?
As intelligent as we are, I am sure they do, which is why I have also developed a stronger habit of letting people go. I have to ask myself how much am I willing to take, and the price is usually how much of myself am I willing to lose.
Do I go back to not caring, or remain at caring too much. Since this has allowed me to be the person that I am today, as much as I want to see change in the world, it will not happen by taking on a lesser mantle than the one I am use to carrying. Weakness or no.